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    February 03

    假爱之名.10

    大女人和小女人
     
         我是一个大女人,喜欢一个人做一个人的事情,走一个人的路,过一个人的生活,肆意的生活。即使是很困难的时候,我相信我也能抗下去,就算抗不下去,我也是要抗的。不愿意有些人,特别是那些无法一起走到底的男人和根本就不是一路人的女人来怜悯和同情。
     
         然而,大女人却总是要做小女人的,有时是一时,有时是一世。
     
         做了小女人,最典型的是什么,思来想去,竟然是为赋新词强说愁,自怨自艾。
     
         我来怨怨看,怎么艾才够小女人。
     
         我想,如果可以把微笑的开心的哭泣的不开心的那些回忆通通揉碎了,加把盐姜葱蒜,腌着。天暖和的时候,就可以拿出来和着白粥一起吃了吧。

         天冷了。很冷。这个冬天于我,真的是格外的冷。七年的最后一个冬天呢,总是要发生点什么的。

         其实,也不过是希望可以经常和你手挽手在人群中逆流而上,湮没在夜色朦胧中。两个人吃饱了撑着的时候,像熊一样摇摇摆摆的在学校里挪来挪去。又或者可以看到手机的屏幕亮起,那些闲言碎语的唠叨和问候是可以暖到心头的心意。一个人在冰冷的被窝是缩着的时候,回味着白日里的事情,是不是可以手脚舒展一点。你,总是吝啬的。

         心里面总是有一个孩子。耍孩子气的时候越来越多。把生活搅的一团糟糕,然后,找一个暗暗的角落,独自垂泪。所以,还没有长大呢。难过的时候,会没日没夜的掉眼泪,把伤心的事情像放电影似的一遍又一遍地放映。你老是说我可以去演琼瑶剧。我们,不正在舞台上投入的演着阿姨都写不出来的精彩吗?

         常常闹变扭,用各种莫名其妙的藉口,会用上各种翻天覆地的姿态,惶恐的,愤怒的,悲哀的。我喜欢纠缠于生活的细节,沉湎于那些琐碎的挑剔,然后滋生冲突,最后,总是你的无奈我的落寞,然后在相拥一抱中冰释。

         遇上你,我已经没有力气再一次出走。
     
         这样,够小女人了吧。

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    Yuanji Kimwrote:
    很久没更新了
    July 7

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